He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
