I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
