Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
