yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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