Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
