Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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