She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
