well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
