I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
