i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
