She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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