I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
