Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
