Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
