there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
