i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
