I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
