I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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