I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
