Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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