This is not my ceiling
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
