Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
