If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
