when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
