im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
