Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
