i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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