how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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