Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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