Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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