WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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