We won't sleep together?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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