Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
