That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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