I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
