hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
