those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
