Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
