Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Congratulations! We have a period
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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