Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
