uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
