I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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