Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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