Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
