DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
