apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize