College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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