i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
