Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
