Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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