these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
