piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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