Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
