True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
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you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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