I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
