her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
