Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
