I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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