i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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