How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
