well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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