i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
