i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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