I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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