Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
