Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
