I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
