So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
