I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
