nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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