Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
