Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
