Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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