I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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