please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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