I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
