Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
