just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
