my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
