you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
