i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
