i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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