You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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