Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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