nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We left the knife in your bed.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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