Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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