last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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