So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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